you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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