hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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