You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize