his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
this is an emotional support booty call
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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