Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
