I feel great
I just peed on a car
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I love you. Go after that dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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