I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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