Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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