There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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