wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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