if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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