just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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