Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
