Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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