I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why do cheetos always look like penises
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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