he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
