im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
