the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
