Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
