I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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