im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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