Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
