It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
