I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
