so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
