you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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