But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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