I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
