oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
