Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
