I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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