with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
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I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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