I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
