so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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