After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
