I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
