so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
