you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
