I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm bleeding and have questions
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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