I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drake has all the answers
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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