I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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