Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
