is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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