Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
