sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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