so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
