Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
