My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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