if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
