I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
