we have pet lesbian snakes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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