Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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