Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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