nut hugger
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
