If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
