Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize