Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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