Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
