whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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