Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
