You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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