So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Vodka?
Forever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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