Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
