I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
