my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
